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Her perspective is not helpful toward this conversation, she thinks. Her marital bond with Samael has a magical component that is meant to be quite enduring. So she listens and attempts to understand Allison's own perspective instead, aware that her friend has done some not so great things, same as Emilia.

It doesn't mean she deserves this.

"There is messy and complicated, and then there is cruelty." It sounds to her like Patrick was engaging in the former to spite Allison, a woman he once claimed to love. And bringing their child into it, no less.

"Do you think it was ... competitiveness?"

If they were both in the same field of work. Some men do have fragile egos, goddess.

She sits with it long enough that it might seem like she's ignoring the question, but she's not. It's hard to say for sure, to step back and separate her own misuse of her powers from Patrick's own goals and ambitions because surely one is the bigger crime. But she can't say that there wasn't resentment there.

She had the bigger career. She had a tool to get her foot in the door. She hasn't had to use her power to get her a job as of late, but she's sure it wouldn't be a leap of logic that she had in the past.

"Maybe?" is the answer she finally comes up with. She can't say for sure, and she can't ask Patrick anymore to find out. He doesn't even remember being married to her, because she no longer exists. Also, he's dead, so ... there's also that.

Not that she relishes his death in any way. She wouldn't have one of the greatest joys of her life without him. She sighs.

"So much of our relationship got caught up in my powers, like my career, like my childhood. It's hard to tell how much of it was real, and how much was a story I told myself. My father never really taught me to know the difference. I had to figure it out on my own."

She allows the silence to settle between them, a companionable if not bittersweet silence as she checks on their dinner. Pleased with the promising result, she reaches for the long-handled paddle to retrieve the pizza, and eventually, she'll bring it over to the outdoor table not far from the stove oven.

It looks Neapolitan more than anything else, but certainly tasty. She can't promise it will eclipse the bitter taste of Patrick, but it might help some of it go down more smoothly.

Emilia — she has thought of Allison's power before, how terrifying it must be to those who are caught under its spell. But it's only now that she realises how terrifying it must be to Allison, as well.

How reality must blur for her, too.

"Have you?"

It certainly smells fantastic, and Allison will reach for a slice as she considers the answer.

"I know the difference." Is that a step in the right direction? She's not really sure. "When Ray and I met, I couldn't use my powers. I couldn't even talk. It was the first time since I was a kid that I couldn't tell someone what to do. How to feel about me. And he fell in love with me anyway."

It made her think that maybe she wasn't such a terrible thing after all. That she wasn't incapable of being loved, only accepted by people as broken as she is (her brothers) or a child who doesn't know better.

The taste of it is close enough to home that it brings a bout of nostalgia, though she no longer knows what she longs for. What was real and what wasn't. She closes her eyes briefly all the same, because, you know.

Cheese.

Emilia grows quiet at the mention of Ray, remembering their first conversation about him. She'd noticed the wedding rings Allison still wears on a necklace. She thinks Allison has learned the difference here, too.

"What was he like?"

A bright smile crosses her face because she does love to talk about Ray.

"In the sixties in Dallas where we were living, people who look like me - like us, because Ray was black too - we didn't have the same rights as white people. Long story involving centuries of slavery and racism but we were starting to fight back, trying to get the right to at least protect our ability to vote. Ray was the leader of one of the groups organizing civil disobedience protests, and he and his people used to meet in the hair salon where I worked after hours. I couldn't talk at the time, but I decided to give him some notes on one of his speeches one night. And a few weeks later, he asked me out to dinner."

And they both fell pretty quickly from there. Which doesn't really tell you much about Ray as a person, but it's at least a start for context.

Emilia grows silent, giving the story the attention it deserves, some of which is truly infuriating. But she places that emotion aside to listen, and when Allison is done with it, the hint of a smile returns.

"He sounds wonderful."

The kind of person they all needed, not just Allison.

"I'm glad you met him."

"Me too." She doesn't know where she would be without Ray. He saved her in a lot of ways, and she will always be grateful for that, even if back in the real world she's hanging on a little too tight.

"Sometimes I'm a terrible person and wish he was here. But he could barely handle finding out about my siblings and their powers, I don't know that he could process all of this without having a small nervous breakdown."

She loves him, but she doesn't want him anywhere near the undead.

Edited 2023-07-22 21:02 (UTC)

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